fightlikehell | (no subject)

Some small part of her knows the distance would be for her own good, and for his. She has some dim awareness of that. Nobody should have to put up with her grief and self-loathing. But those feelings are so small and faint right now, and gods help her, she wants this. Feeling like someone wants her, all of her, not some distorted image of her that lives in their imagination... someone who isn't scared of the dark times and the shadows in her soul... someone who isn't looking for what she can do for them or choosing her because she's the only choice...

Oh, but he's talking again. Thinking can wait. "Mm. Okay. We can be mutually grateful?" She doesn't lift her head, talking into his neck and trusting he'll hear her. They can dance properly again later; right now, swaying with him is more than enough for her. The slow tempo and gentle music are so soothing. "You don't have to thank me for wanting to spend time with you, Matt. I love spending time with you." It's song enough for her, and poetry, too.

Edited 2016-01-09 06:01 (UTC)

Distance would help her to keep growing. All of her pain is going to help her become a stronger person, the way that it does. Matt can't ignore that or stay an objective, distant observer. It's not about saving her, she's in no danger. Just making sure to be close and be sure that nothing obstructs the process. Oh but that is all so selfless, isn't it? He's growing attached to the sound of her voice laughing or speaking. The beat of her heart is a noise his ears seek out. Her strength of character is undeniable. Matt's live has been filled with transitions and new starts, he's never had the welcome offered by Verity.

"We can be. Mutually," he laughs a little. These ears of his can hear her just fine. "I just wanted to be sure to tell you."

But does everyone have to stay at a distance for her to grow? When she was alone, she didn't grow at all. Her existence was that of a placeholder. No man is an island. Having someone to help her over the obstacles and catch her when she slips would be ideal in her mind. They could do so much together. He'll always be welcome where she is. Whatever space she claims will always have a space reserved for him.

The puff of breath from his laugh makes a few stray hairs brush against her neck, which in turn makes her shiver. She never knew that anything bordering on ticklish like that could be so delightful. "And now I know. I won't forget." As if forgetting were even an option. "Thank you for asking me. I'm... I'm really glad I'm not alone tonight. Starting a new year alone," physically and emotionally separated from everyone she cares about, "would have been..." devastating. She trails off, falling silent for a moment before changing the subject slightly. "Easiest heroing gig you've ever had, I bet."

It's believed that being solo gives a better sense of self. When you have always been alone it is more like back to the same ol' song. But does distance have to immediately be loneliness? No. And having found her now, Matt realizes that he cannot leave her be.

Matt feels her shiver and he smiles. "There was no way you were going to spend it alone. Even if you said no I was prepared to at least get you a snack." He can't always accurately gauge her reactions but he rubs her arm gently thinking the shiver is because she's cold. "Is it heroism if I get something out of it?" It's a real question here.

Relationships can leave room for solitude. It doesn't have to be one or the other. They can be together, and alone, and in mutual solitude. A brief and temporary parting makes for very sweet hellos.

She's not cold, but she's not minding the gentle treatment either. "So determined to take care of me." The teasing is gentle and aimed as much at herself for enjoying it so much. She hopes she'll get to return the favor. "Oh, I think every hero gets something out of it. A sense of satisfaction or self-worth. An easing of the sense of guilt." Having been adopted by an Avenger, she's put a fair bit of thought into these things. What made him go and be a hero when she ran away from the chance. "Are firefighters any less heroic when they run into a burning building because they get gear, training, and a paycheck?"

Solitude only means having a clear distinction of self. People lose themselves every day to jobs, relationships and pressures. A little distance can be good. All the reunions after would surely be happy ones. Already they're pretty damn happy.

All the clobbering of crooks still leaves him very gentle. It's a skill. "Only if you'd let me." Matt smiles and stops enough to give her a pretend scolding head shake.

It's an interesting theory. One he considers because of her presentation. "I think they're more heroic because some people pick and choose their battles. Firefighters can't. They will go when they're called" Some People is pretty clear.

Don't be so sure she isn't willing to make sacrifices to keep the happiness going. Everything has a price. If the price of knowing how happy she can be is a little piece of knowing who she is alone, it's a price she's willing to pay.

"Only if I get to return the favor." She's quick to pounce on that opening. The head shake gets a little huff of breath against his neck. If he's going to be mischief like that, she's obligated to pretend she disapproves.

It's not surprising he doesn't agree; she's just glad he's thinking about it instead of dismissing her out of hand. "You have to allocate your resources. There's nothing wrong with making sure you're still around to fight again tomorrow. I'd rather you were."

With the price of everything, love included, in the end it will be worth the effort. Matt is happy to invest. The promise of more than this is something he doesn't want to pass up.

"Well..." Yeah, he can try and sound like it's something he'll think over. "I think I can allow that." Matt can keep it together just enough to shorten the shiver her breath on his neck makes. Could have been a chill.

All the respect goes to law enforcement and the emergency services. All those sirens that were around him in his life. "That's something I need to remind myself sometimes." To say in the least.

Their slow song can't last forever. He wishes so much that it could. "Would you like a drink or to keep dancing? I think there's time yet before midnight."

It's an all-inclusive deal. He'd be stuck with the good and the bad. Love comes at a high cost, and sometimes, a greater effort. She's not sure hers would be worth it... but that wouldn't be her call to make. His clearly would be.

She hums softly in amusement at his playing. "If you're sure. I wouldn't want to overburden you with concern and cookies." Because there will be cookies. That almost goes without saying. "And reminding you to take care of yourself." That will be part of the bargain too. None of her friends are really safe from this kind of thing.

The end of the song and switch to something more up-tempo makes her grumble quietly, and she doesn't answer him straight away. He's warm and she's comfortable. "A drink would be nice, please. There will still be time for both after midnight. I'm not going to turn into a pumpkin."

Oh Verity is very much worth the effort. She thought of him on his first holiday here, she's been welcoming, smart and inviting. And the way about her in quiet moments like this, being close feel so right. This is more than what he could ask for of Nexus, of the universe. Most important of all, there has been no need at all to hide anything about himself. Matt's world has had some kind of concealment or secrecy for almost everything. Finally there's a way and a reason to be exactly who he is with her.

"I've yet to feel that kind of overburden so..." he doesn't know what it's like to approve or disapprove of it. "Cookies though." He laughs softly and leans his head against her's. "It really doesn't sound so bad out loud."

No answer is tolerable when she stays where she is. The room is spinning back into motion and joy. He too could grumble. "Okay," meaning they must be in another position. Matt lightly presses a kiss to the top of her head as he slowly slips his arms from her put offers a hand. "I'd still ensure your safety home. Pumpkin or not."

There aren't a lot of options other than honesty when spending time with a human lie detector. She's not an easy woman to get along with for exactly that reason. Not everyone wants to be so honest. Where she's from, people were willing to die to protect themselves from being found out.

"Mm, but I have not yet begun to fuss," she warns with a smile. He may be laughing and comfortable about it now, but that could change.

Aww, he moved. Sads. The little kiss is a pleasant surprise. His hand isn't empty for long and she doesn't move far from his side. "You'd protect me from anyone with an appetite for unseasonal pie? How gallant." She knows he'd protect her from worse than that, but jokes are easier than talking about feelings. Easier, but maybe less fair. She's working on it.

She stays quiet until they're waiting their turn at the bar. "I don't always need protecting," she tells him quietly, "but it's nice to know you're there when I need to feel safe."

What a way to come clean though. And not just in concept but in that's how it should be. Matt has always wanted to be upfront, to be honest. The degree of pride he has in his talents to conceal has diminished more and more with age. No one should have to die for the truth in a perfect world. So many people do in his world and hers.

"Don't hold back on my account." Laughing and comfort for now. Any trip to paradise is going to have turbulence. Or...wherever they're going. Matt just knows he wants in.

His fingers close carefully around hers as they step away from the dance floor. "See? Chivalry isn't dead, just protecting gourds." That's the better joke than insisting she's gourd-ous. Smooth move, Murdock.

"Right. Just... kind of comes naturally for me. I don't mean to say anything like you're not capable." Matt says a grin but... he means it.

The hiding places of youth will someday all be outgrown. Sometimes, you get bigger; sometimes, the world shrinks.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," she retorts with a smirk. Wherever they're going, she doesn't want to let go, but she's so scared of his leaving later when she's gotten used to the idea of his being around. It's easier to lose people in the beginning, before you need them. Isn't it?

And then he's distracting her from those thoughts, making her laugh and holding her hand, and suddenly she sounds so foolish. Even to herself. (The "gourd-ous" joke would have made her laugh too.) She shouldn't worry so much about the future; it's not like she has one. Only the eternal now of living in a place that is nowhere and everywhen.

"I know." She gives his hand a little reassuring squeeze. "I just wanted it to be clear that some times I'll want it more than others." Now is a 'want' time. She's not quite ready to admit to needing it, but boy, does she ever.

The shrinking world makes you feel so big and so small all at once. That's the real growing pains.

"I, Matthew Murdock, on this day--December thirty first, do acknowledge that Miss Verity Willis warned me," to the imaginary court reporter. He's staying because it feels more like there's a piece of himself here. It can't be in Hell's Kitchen at the same time. There's no way he could sleep there the same way he does here.

They can be foolish together. Who cares. He doesn't. They're still hand in hand and he gives her's a squeeze. "Okay. You just tell me." Whatever she needs... is what he'd say if a bartender didn't come up to them. Matt asks for a scotch because it's a special occasion.

Edited 2016-01-11 23:35 (UTC)

That, and bumping your head on the sky.

"We should have that entered into the record. Or notarized. Something official." The teasing would go better if she knew more about the court system probably. But if they were both legal experts they'd have to be rivals too often to be friends. This way is better; they have the places where they overlap and the ones where they complete each other.

Usually, she'd care about being foolish. Usually, she wouldn't be here at all. Usually, she wouldn't be mentally cursing an attentive bartender. She orders a glass of merlot and waits for the bartender to turn away before looking up at Matt again. "I thought you showed up tonight because you already knew."

The only benefit would be being closer to the stars. How do giants get by? How does anyone get by outgrowing your own environment?

"Tomorrow. First thing." I mean, only if she'd really want to. It gives Matt an idea to contact her the next day with details on an imaginary contract. That doesn't sound like he's asking for much, does it?

Matt turns a little, leaning his free elbow on the bar. His thumb really likes the texture of the top of her hand. "I had a hunch but... hunches aren't always right. Besides, I'd like to hear you tell me things. I like the sound of your voice."

They expand their horizons.

"Second thing. First thing will be regretting drinking too much." She may not be overly familiar with NYE parties, but she knows about hangovers. He may want to be careful with the idea of an imaginary contract; she's not good at imaginary. She's a literalist. Not to say she wouldn't sign a friendship contract...

Finally, years of moisturizing pay off. Lucky for him that she likes the feel of his thumb too. "I... I can try. I'm not very good at that sort of thing."

"Too much? We're a little late to start then." Matt can't check the time, so it's only speculation. "I would hate to break any traditions you might have." If it is an actual draft is it still imaginary? Then it's silly. A waste of paper in the traditional sense. In the sense of humor and trying to just make her smile and give him excuses to be with her a little more.....

Moisturizing and still having a hand. "Would it be easier on you if I asked? I mean, I have asked you to come out and if you like to dance. I've never asked if you're comfortable with me trying to directly sabotage your homebody tendencies." And want to spend time with her. That bartender either wants to blow through this night or earn his tips but he's back again. Must be some kind of speedster too.

"I can live with breaking that one," she admits. "Maybe it'll keep me from making regrettable resolutions." An actual draft doesn't sound very imaginary. Silly, yes, but that isn't a bad thing. If he wants to show up the next day with a contract and a smile, she'd be very happy. He could leave the contract at home and she'd be happy.

"It might." Their hands would have had to part at this point, disappointing as it is; she'll try to be quicker than him and pay the bartender first. "I like having help in overcoming the hermit life." Barry's a great bartender and they should be grateful. Not much of a listener, though. "But I'm going to want to feed you if you keep coming around."

"Regrettable resolutions? Can I ask for an example? I don't think I've really made one I regret. That's what Lent is for." Maybe he'll just... stop by. The reason he'll maybe figure out on the way. A contract might be along the line. Mostly because it's too funny to pass up. There'll be multiple clauses a printed and Braille copy. Because now it's not a chore to use a Braille printer. She did say she wanted to learn.

"I think you're a more homebody than hermit. Hermits don't have the desire for company. I've had the chance to see you at least three times this month." Matt reaches for his wallet but it seems that Verity can be something of a Flash on her own.

Food? Ohh. Matt chuckles. "Is that a threat? I really don't mind eating. I just eat a lot." High metabolism and keeping on muscle means that it gets packed away.

"Never? You're lucky." Learning Braille is going to be an interesting experience. Very tactile. He's going to have to stick close while she's studying. "I think the ones I end up regretting all fall into the category of trying to change who I am to fit in." Knowing when something's not true and being immune to peer pressure and loneliness aren't the same thing. Not even remotely.

Sorry, Matt, maybe you can beat her next time. Once they've got their drinks she takes his hand again. "True, we've spent a lot of time together this month. I'm going to be terribly disappointed when you get busy with other things. I can't be a hermit, I've got a roommate. I don't even work from home all the time anymore." This is tremendous progress for her. She doesn't expect him to understand.

She hums thoughtfully around a sip of her wine. "Not a threat. Nobody ever sees it as a threat." Her fingers brush over his hand before pulling away and she nudges his arm to try and coax it around her. "I like to cook, and I'm pretty good at it, so it'll be nice to share it sometimes."

"Lucky or inexperienced. I just try not to make promises I can't keep. And I think that we don' really need excuses to try." Strictly tactile learning. They'll translate the contract together. From there he'll try and craft a See Spot Run. Matt's mouth evens out hearing about the details. Gentle teasing with honest answer of course, he had hoped it wouldn't be something painful.

She gets a sigh and a head shake as he stops trying to pull out any kind of money.

"Reformed hermit," he muses. "As of right now I'm... not leaping into anything. I might even admit I'm getting accustomed to being lazy. It's dangerous." There is a full tone of contentment and ease. Matt really doesn't need a lot of coaxing. His arm wraps slowly around her, bringing her closer to him while takes the first sip of scotch with the other hand. So many pleasant things within reach.

She knew that eventually, she'd give a wrong answer and he'd stop smiling. Maybe it's for the best. The less he smiles, the less she hopes. And yet... "It's good to not make promises you know you can't keep," she agrees quietly.

No promises he can't keep. She appreciates the honesty. "Sometimes dangerous things are the most fun." Like the way his arm feels wrapped around her. It's too nice. Maybe he really is a devil sent to tempt her. "You deserve a chance to be happy." She'll tuck herself against his side when he draws her closer, half angled toward him and resting her free hand on his back. "So we're one reformed hermit and one reforming overachiever. Between the two of us, we might find a happy medium."

Smiles come and they go. It's being there at all that makes them significant. "I think you fit just fine where you are." As though she had asked. Matt says it softly like it's a stray thought that needed to be caught, if not caught than said.

"Sometimes not making promises though puts people on edge. They think it's noncommittal rather than being very aware of your limits." He has just as many as anyone else. "Thank you." As usual, she's more sensible.

Honesty for the sake of being honest, not sniffed out. "I like fun. I can tell you do too." Arm around her, nice and natural, resting at the other side. Matt even dares a casual lean her way. "A toast then. To you, Verity. And to reformation and the pursuit of the happy medium."

Smiles never came around that often in her life. She doesn't know what to do with them. Not even her own, sometimes. Just look at her, smiling like an idiot when he says that. "Right where I am?" There are so many possible meanings in what he said. Lots of nice possibilities.

She can't help being sensible. Sometimes she can ignore it, for a while, but it always comes back. Maybe that's not so bad; maybe it's a good thing she knows how to temper life with practicalities. But it's less fun. "You're only noncommittal if you refuse to tell them you know you're at your limit. Being self-aware is a good thing."

Honest for its own sake is best. Something they can both agree on. "Well, yeah. I'm not that broken." At the moment, she's feeling almost normal. And then embarrassed by the toast. "Me? Oh. Uh, thank you." She looks down at her drink and tries to will the blushing away, because that ever works. "And to you, too. And the pursuit of happiness."

bit.ly/1RqSPOm And parent issues. Can't forget the all-important parent issues.

oh boy yes. u_u there is that.

And there was the villain with amazing hair screwing with her family...

belatedly that bunny omfg

inorite? bit.ly/1Pk3a8a

http://bit.ly/1VVp1Iu

Pile of cutes can only be answered one way: http://www.pusheen.com/image/129104381856

pusheeeeeen <3 i love it so much omg

Pusheen wins everything! :D

i want to give pusheen all the things.

Everyone does! That's why she's got Facebook stickers.

I've seen a 70lbs pusheen doll. i didn't buy it ;-;

That's excessive. How big was it?

It was as wide as it was long so maybe four feet?

That's not a doll, that's a piece of furniture. Or a lifestyle choice.

or a member of the family

Well now I need one.

seriously, lounging on a big ol pusheen sounds so nice ;-;

It really does. Cozy and magical.

http://bit.ly/1Sh3gDN still no powerball winner so....

Aww! That is so cute. Want!

my exact reaction. augh.

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